i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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