So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
