So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
