I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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