i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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