is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
