i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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