I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
