Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i came on her dog
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
