he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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