Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
