if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
home. puking in laundry basket.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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