3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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