guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
