Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
