you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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