which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
