His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
