Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
