Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i already hear my dad disowning me
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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