i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
