I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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