Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
