There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
