you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
