so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
