Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
