once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
