im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
