My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
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