I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Green mimosas i think yes
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
