I queefed so loud it echoed.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
