I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
