just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
