I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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