woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
