i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize