Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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