Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
