Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize