my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
