Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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