Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
