Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
