Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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