i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
