just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
