everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
