i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
this is an emotional support booty call
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
