i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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