Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
