Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
