it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm at about main and main street
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
So vagazzling was a success
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize