Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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