I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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