she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
