She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize