Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
