God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
