So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
