so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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