Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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