I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
