Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
