Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
i believe in u and ur pee
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
