We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
