I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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