what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
