Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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