I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
