Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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