I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
