that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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