Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
