just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
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