you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
