Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
