I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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