Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
