Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
