Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
