Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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