I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
