I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize