i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
