When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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