Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
