Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
