apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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