I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Randomize
