You just made me feel so damn special
it's not cheating when I paid for it
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
