i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
