This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
