"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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