Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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