i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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