so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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