Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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