What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
