Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
this just has baby written all over it
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Couch. On fire.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize