We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
