Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
