about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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