if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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