CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
