I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
