He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
