JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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