i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
