The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize