Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
