you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
be right there i have to get my cape
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
