when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I have feelings that need drinking.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
