i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
