Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
