Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
